zume

[This journal entry is an email I had sent to some local friends.]

This email is optional reading, kind of a blog. I wouldn't normally send this, but you're all loved ones, and I'm very concerned about why I'm not in college and not progressing all that much toward computer programming. I'm asking for advice. Many of you don't have much free time right now, which is fine. Don't read this email unless you're in the mood to read a novel. :)
- Royce



This is me wondering, planning, researching, and somewhat stalling, before leaping into a career decision. Again, this is totally optional reading, and doesn't require a response at all unless you're feeling up to it.

If you folks have any input about the following, please feel free to let me know. I've been pondering some career ideas for going on four years, and still not taken any major action.

I'm seeking a Christian "computer programmer" mentor, perhaps in North Fresno, who can show me some possibilities to establishing a career in developing a cultured software program such as GoogleEarth, GoogleMaps, Bible Study software, etc. Something unique, diverse, and useful. Something highly professional and elegant. Nothing specific, just something interactive and multipurpose. I think I might really get into that long-term. I suspect the mentor(s) I find will greatly shape what I end up doing. If I can finally see my goal, it'll feel much more realistic and possible to achieve. That might eventually give me the glorious freedom of being self employed. I dream of a large scale project to be proud of, and to hopefully incorporate Christian ministries right off the bat, or at least eventually. I don't care what platform (Windows, Linux, Playstation3, Phones, Other), nor the programing languages (c++, the new html5, ajax, flash, silverlight, etc). I want a career I can really enjoy and get involved in. I want to know what's out there, but not by the normal channels/routes most folks take. I want to love my career and look forward to it, which is really rare. I'm not going to be the typical office typist, although for many that is ideal. I've considered selling insurance such as Jim Booze does, but am I social enough? Would I be able to keep a smile when I'm feeling depressed and trapped as I often do?

I only have a high school diploma and misc technical/sales training, but I don't think having some major degree is an issue when starting up in programming. I need training and experience, but without a laser-focused long-term goal, training seems painfully long and foggy. Focusing on learning, without a solid goal, doesn't seem like something I would actively pursue. I'm trying to overcome some personal obstacles, too. Mainly memory and mathematics. I thought the Stock Market to be a fascinating career, and ultimately the international stock market, but I think first I need something safer and stable. I don't even like money, so I'm not taking pay into account. As long as I'm alive, I could work for free, that's not something I technically stress about. Those who know me personally know my situation, and know that I'm stingy but not money focused in the least.

The Lord will guide my career, and I want to start to find out what that is. I'll of course continue to be Kirk's "Single Christian Ministries" assistant at the same time, as he's a life-long friend, but I want to have my own house and decisions some day. I want Kirk to be a friend and not always think of him as my employer. I like living in Yosemite Lakes Parkway with Kirk, but I need a place of employment away from the house, such as an office somewhere in Coursegold or North Fresno. Maybe I'll temporary work at a computer repair shop, and I have done that part time in the past. Maybe I'll open one, except I'm too unsocial to do so. I need to get out of the house more to vent some major anxiety, and not just a weekly book club or another Bible Study. Meeting numerous peers my age (25) would be really fun, and a computer shop might provide that. I might teach a technical course at Fresno State, but don't know how to go about that without any teaching degrees. I desire something worth doing the right way, the moral way, and society-changing to some degree. I'm ready to start at the bottom, that's no problem, I've been doing that for years. I want to move on to a more creative and technical line of work. If that takes college, even a Computer Science PhD, that's fine. God provides all we need. I know to be content with what I have, but I feel as though I'm wasting a lot of my resources right now.

I want to know my career in advance, witch isn't the natural course of action, but I'm far more organized and wanting to be prepared/productive than a lot of people. When the Lord shows me the right time to leap into a technical job or volunteering opportunity, I hope I act on it. Historically I think about it endlessly until it's not possible, out of concern that it's not productive enough.

It's off subject, but perhaps working at the Palm Avenue Community Church office would feel right. I don't know, and I don't think they are in the situation to hire on new folks, especially with fairly limited congregation/business experience. NorthSide is too big and complicated, as I've learned in recent years of attending and trying to get involved. They have Hollywood lighting effects and incredible music, but they aren't half as loving and caring to the individual that Palm Ave is. I attend both churches, love them both, but Palm Ave's outreach projects have provided something awesome to look forward to.

I just don't know what steps to take first. I might as well flip a coin, because there are so many choices out there. Is that responsible? I can't even imagine leaving a career to chance, but at the same time, Jesus will lead me where I need to be. I think anxiety is holding me back from exploring all sorts of projects and careers, and maybe that's good in some way, that I've been able to work for Kirk for years and not get in over my head with some overly-technical career I wouldn't fully enjoy. Robotics for example, used to be fascinating to me, but now I feel as though they aren't as creative as the idea of math and programming. Math has no limits.

Fresno State, Fresno Pacific, City College, and others, have great professors and counselors, but I've talked with some of them and I guess I want a nice diverse spectrum of advice before leaping into an insanely long education or training course. Many people don't USE their PhD, and that is a huge fear of mine. I don't want a normal career...and I know it's not entirely up to me, but I'm open to hear advice in a big way. 

My father has a great technical/science/audio/A.I. career going at an international microchip company, but I haven't the slightest idea where to even begin getting integrated in all that. The best I could do is sign up for college and just find out where the wind takes me, which doesn't reassure me in the least. I might go crosseyed just thinking about it.

Any ideas off the top of your head? Ideas that don't involve going to career fairs and pretending to be interested in strangers, hopefully. I know I'm worrying too much, so please help me turn that into something useful. I'll consider everything and not be offended. You all have a lot of experience and varying perspectives. You don't need to know anything about tech/computers/math to offer ideas. :)

Thanks for reading all this. :)

God Bless,
Royce Barber
Technical Admin
Single Christian Ministries