zume

Well. What a big entry I’ve made. do tell me if you can make any sense of it.

Tonight walked the "Christmas tree lane", 2 miles of houses with many Christmas lights and decorations. Found out about it from my friend Kirk who allowed me to join him and Kim and some other friends on the 2 miles. There were multiple thousands of people out on that road tonight. i took many pictures, some of them I have posted, you can click the link at the bottom of this entry to see the images, you'll get a small glance at the billions of lights i saw tonight. i must say, it was thrilling and somewhat emotionally moving to see so many people out at night celebrating Christmas. Some of those people have certain motives, and most of them are not even Christian, but i like to think that for those two miles i was in good company. and I was, Kirk and his friends were wonderful, they are all so sweet. Sweet to a degree that set off my paranoia alarm. There are three core reasons i was in a state of paranoia. First, I booked a plane ticket today and i really hope to see my friends in Washington. My little sister, and Jacob, and Edite… and possibly Anna and Cory. at one time i was in love with Edite, but i know its not something to mention, her and i are only friends, even if my heart used to scream out for more. Back to the Christmas walk. the second reason I’m in paranoia is i had what would equal a bit more than 4 or 5 cups of coffee, and my tummy doesn’t like foreign chemicals, i get sick rather easily. Perhaps my body ph is leaning on acidic, i hear that makes one susceptible to immune system weakness. Third reason I’m on alert, is something a very nice girl said to me tonight. i should say woman, but i don’t know her age nor much about her. She’s one of kirks good friends, so i naturally trust her with my life. Trusting I may be, I’m also curious to know what she meant by something she said in my absence of saying anything directly to her the whole time. She told me she liked my clothing, my look, how i matched, and my overall style. she made sure i knew she was complimenting me. Deep down i know it was a harmless remark, very social and kind of her to say something nice to a friend of a friend. i said thank you, as to not invoke simulated conversation. I’m sure she would have all kinds of great things to say, but I’m not one for paying attention. I’m fond of her, very much so, but i have some problems in the area of on-the-spot communication. Where was i, did i mention i get off track faster than the polar express on ice. What a cool movie...as you all know, I’m a fan of cg and movies with holiday spirit. I’m also a fan of fashion design, and that brings us right back on track! You see, Kim is very fashionable. When i first saw her, she was wearing all white and drove a white car. Her parents want her to get a new car, the window stopped working tonight for some reason. she seemed a little nervous about the whole night. maybe its just brain grimlins messing with my mind, but i sensed a lot of nervous traits in Kim. i have many insecurities, many emotional fluctuations, sporadic emotional instability... all of this i can appear to control, and seem perfectly normal, at least I’m told so by friends. i trust my friends and their ability to make quality friends, so i in turn trust Kim’s sincerity. Note my bad spelling, i here by copyright every misspelled word, and I’m going to open up a pay pall account to collect on spelling errors of livejournal. That was the lamest joke ever. Also note how I’m avoiding talking about why Kim threw me into paranoia. Perhaps I’m stalling, at a lack of insight into her world to properly speak of someone i don’t know. well i know her name, but faces I’m not so good with, and she does have a pretty face, but will that inspire my memory to function properly for once? i noticed she is highly fashionable, and she commented on my half hearted attempt at fashion. Remember i was talking about those, paragraphs ago. Ok, so when someone comments on what i wear, i get paranoid. When they actually mean it, i become hyper paranoid. i start to question so many things about myself that I start to wonder why I exist. i already know why, I’m here to play out my roll as whoever I am in whatever world i get dumped into. That can be misread. I’m a humble Christian here to do whatever god has planned for me. There, that makes sense. Ok, so Kim and I seem to get along, and she seems to be a nice person. Kirk said she wants to be a fashion designer, and i love fashion design. So I was wondering if I would be out of line thinking that I could get Kim to start a deviantart account so she could gain fashion experience through the resources of the internet/google/stockdeviantart. I tried to get Scott to start an account, i even uploaded his art, but i think he forgot about it. One time I tried to get Edite to use deviantart, it took her forever but she came around eventually and now she doesn’t have a day without it. I made Edite a livejournal one time, I did the graphics and everything, but she obviously had no need to tell the world about her adventures in the middle of nowhere. Edite has a fascinating mind; I think that’s a huge factor when I meet people. That sometimes leads me to meet people who I later find out have some deep problem that gives me reason to fear them. I don’t fear any of my friends, but I tend to avoid EVERYONE just in case something unpleasant might arise from learning things I didn’t want to know about anyone. I’m not going anywhere with this, I bet it doesn’t even make sense to most of you. The espresso and coffee in my system should have been absorbed into my full tummy, but apparently some escaped into my blood stream. Yippee. So I drank a lot of water, I do like water; I know the advantages of drinking lots of liquids. And, vitamins. If I could ask for one miracle right now, it would be that my little sister Jaimie would take vitamins. This morning I was thinking about Edite, but tonight I’m thinking about Christmas lane and why everyone in that neighborhood had their houses and lawns completely filled with lights and decorations. And I’m still wondering where Kim’s career in the fashion industry will go. I was wearing all black, which is something i don’t like to do, and it was at night, which is a fashion don’t. i say its a fashion don’t, mostly 'cause i don’t think wearing black is a nice way to introduce yourself to the world. to me, its just not cherry. its not peppy. call me a powerpuff girls fan, but i think bright colors are the way to go. so anyway, I was wearing black as a result of my beanie/jacket/pants/shoes/necklace/sox/mp3 player/headphones all being black. my shirt was deep red with short sleeves, with a white under shirt with full sleeves, and a sleeveless tight jogging shirt under the white one. i was pretty warm! that’s what Kim noticed, i looked like Santa! I didn’t even realize it until i got home and noticed a glass Santa figurine on the mantle. Kim wants to make Christian clothing in the distant future, and right now she's just interested in any kind of clothing design. well that’s all i know about her, im sure there are many layers I’ll never know, 'cause i don’t think i'll ever open up to people. there are very few people I open up to... so anyway, im kind of thinking about things and typing at the same time, I shouldn’t do that, im sure many of you will misread 95% of what i write... I’m so tired of being yelled at for others assuming things from the entries I make. here is the link to photos of Christmas lane:

http://zumiez.textamerica.com/

God Bless,
Royce